literature

The Blaze Within The Haze

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TinTinHo's avatar
By
TinTinHo
Published:
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Literature Text

Within the cloud, a blaze.
It lingers ‘bove the darkened air
And glides amidst the haze.

Pierce the passing phase
Of melting breath that is the flare
Within the cloud, a blaze.

Dodge the torrid blade that only graze
The head outside the glare
And glides amidst the haze.

A hidden hazard emits rays
That scorches through the lair.
Within the cloud, a blaze.

The mist whispers a mute potent phrase
Of death to masses that seize care,
And glides amidst the haze.

The cloud shrouds and so delays
The soul to snap in seamless snare.
Within the cloud, a blaze
That glides amidst the haze.
A villanelle about a hidden desolation within a hazy cloud.
Or is it. Feel free to interpret it however you please.
It is best read out loud from punctuation mark to punctuation mark.

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Comments4
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blessedout's avatar
blessedout

Wow - this is so well done! There’s a great deal of rhythm to this piece and I found myself reading it aloud and tapping my fingers to the beat.

There are two spots that got me a bit tripped up. First the word “graze”... to be grammatically correct it would be “grazes,” but that would throw the syllable count, I think. So you could add an “s” to blades, or perhaps reword the line to “Dodge the torrid blade, twill only graze”. The other part that got me a bit tripped up was the rhythm/cadence of the fifth stanza. Although, in hindsight, that could just be me. I’m not too familiar with villanelles, but it seems to me that the second line of stanzas 1&2, 5&6 are 8 syllables, whereas the second line of stanzas 3&4 are six syllables… so it may be just that I needed to get re-accustomed to the 8 syllable stanza. (That’s probably what it is.) And for what it’s worth… I think this is a poem about a dragon. Maybe I’m wrong but my interpretation says this dragon is SO over knights thinkin they can just come at them with swords and not feel the wrath. And (it’s not included in the poem, but since you said to interpret it however we want) it’s a shiny purple female dragon - a fierce warrior dragon - out to kick names and take butt. (That’s a censored Endgame reference, that last bit.) OK, I think I’m done. Anyway, this is a VERY fun poem - I dig it quite a bit! Thanks for letting me make up whatever crazy thing I wanted about this haha!

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